It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
