some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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