When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
