I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
