does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
