Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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