May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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