4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
