So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
