you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
