just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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