ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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