Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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