can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
