dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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