This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
