How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
