pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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