Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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