Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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