dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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