Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't turn off my feet"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
