I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
