You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
