this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
