I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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