I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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