Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
