pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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