I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
