it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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