I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
ok first of all what the fuck
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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