its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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