My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
