Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
