We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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