He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
