he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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