I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
