"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
