mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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