I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
