you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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