do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
