this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
