also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
