Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
