dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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