I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
