Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
