Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
