well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
