The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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