Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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